I wanted a vacation free from politics and controversy, so maybe Arizona wasn't the best choice for my Memorial Day trip. Fortunately, I was headed to Lake Havasu, an oasis of nonpartisanship and partial nudity.
At Lake Havasu, nobody seemed worried about Arizona's immigration law. Nobody seemed particularly concerned with any laws. Havasu does have some rules. For example, there are strict limits on the amount of fabric you can use to cover your body. For a man, wearing a shirt with sleeves is a minor faux pas, like wearing overalls to the opera.
Wearing a shirt with a collar is a more serious offense, like showing up at a PETA rally in a fur coat. Sleeves and a collar? Don't even think about it. While it's bad to cover your skin with clothing, it's even worse to cover your skin with plain skin. To avoid punishment, tattoo your entire body with pithy sayings, Chinese characters and enough barbed wire to close the Mexican border. Once you've grasped the sartorial regulations of Havasu, you need to get a boat.
By common agreement, the names of all boats on Lake Havasu reference either female body parts or crimes. Many reference both. While out on the lake, it's permitted to wave to complete strangers, provided they are also on a boat. I waved at a group on shore and they responded by calmly filling water guns with lake-water and shooting at me.
After a few hours on the water, you're expected to stop for lunch at a beachside bar. At the place I visited, the specialties of the house were anything fried and liquor served in buckets.
