Why ending no-strings-attached flings can hurt more than relationships. Julie Nguyen is a certified relationship coach and mental health and sexuality writer. Her writing explores themes around mental well-being, culture, psychology, trauma, and human intimacy. I once ended a seven-year relationship that upended everything I knew: I quit my job, left New York, and immersed myself in therapy.
Later, I found myself in a situationship and head-over-heels smitten. I really liked him. Over several weeks, we went on back-to-back dates that lasted for hours. He went out of town to go on a retreat and I waited at home, buzzing with excitement for our next hangout. When he returned, he called to cut things off. Our final conversation was quick and kindβhe was dating someone else and he wanted to know her better. We wished each other well and never spoke again.
Although I barely knew him, what surprised me was how hard the pain of the situationship hit. In comparison to getting over my long-term ex , grieving this seemed more difficult. A relationship typically involves a defined commitment often with exclusivity, clear communication, long-term planning, and reciprocal effort.
You may discuss your shared future openly, thus creating a generous sense of support and security. A situationship is an undefined, noncommital, convenient, no-strings-attached connection.
Since boundaries are so hazy, situationships are often spontaneous, ambiguous, and undefined. Every interaction with them feels raw, alive, unpredictable, freeing, and fun. Both relationship and situationship breakups can be painful and disorienting. But what makes a situationship uniquely sting can be its unexpected nature. Because of its brief nature and limited intimacy, they struggled validating their sadness which complicated the emotional release. This stuck energy, among many other reasons, is why ending a situationship can be acutely painful.
