Dating can be fun and exciting, but it can also come with lots of disappointment and emotional pain. All those rejections , ghosting, and shattered hopes had a huge impact on me. They left me feeling exhausted and heartbroken. I was too available for men. I lost faith in love. I lost my confidence and self-esteem. It took me a while to realize that it was unhealthy; but eventually, I did.
One day, I understood that the price was too high to pay and it was not worth it. I was losing myselfβthe most important person in my life. I was betraying myself. I was dishonoring my own needs and wants. The pain I experienced during those dating years was the greatest catalyst for my transformation, like it often is in life. We want to avoid the pain at all costs, but the pain makes us find strength for making difficult decisions and the motivation for making radical changes in our life.
They helped me step into my power and start to respect myself more in order to find men who would respect me back. It was the pain that helped me stop dating compulsively and find a better way. One day, enough was enough. I was ready for something else. I took a break to reconnect with myself. But honesty brings clarity, and clarity gives us an opportunity to make some decisions. I made many life changes and promises to myself, but there was one obvious thing that stood out to me. My boundaries in dating were way too weak.
Because of weak boundaries, I allowed myself to stay in dysfunctional relationships for far too long. I never stood up for myself. I never said no when I felt like it. I needed to start to value and respect myself more. And I found the best way to do this was to strengthen my own boundaries. This decision changed the dating experience for me, on so many levels. In truth, it changed the course of my love life.
I learned to say no in dating, and I said it to many, many men before I was able to say yes to my current partner. I developed zero tolerance for mind games, commitment-phobes, guys who just wanted to have fun, inconsistency, indecisiveness, and disrespect. I believe that I found the love of my life, after dating aimlessly for ten years, due to the fact that I defined my non-negotiables and I religiously stuck to them, no matter what.
