Dear Eric: I am really struggling with anger and heartbreak and need a little help. A year ago, my husband took his own life. Four days before he passed, he told me that he had been having an affair with another man. I had suspected there was something going on and I asked my husband.
He never gave me a straight answer. The affair had been off and on for years. This affair partner is around all the time and basically accused me of having something to do with him taking his own life, among other things he accused me of.
And they have given him a place to live, and a job. Now, if I want to be around my stepsons, I have to tolerate him. He has told horrible stories about me and spread lies about our relationship. I am about to go nuts. What should I do? This is just awful. You know the truth, no matter what the affair partner says.
This person seems very manipulative, perhaps dangerously so. This may feel like taking the high road to a fault, but there is no lower road. This other person has made that road all muck.
Your stepsons are adults and can handle the truth, if they ask further questions. Indeed, I worry about how their grief processes are being disrupted by his presence. To that end, try inviting your stepsons over or out to a meal instead of visiting them.
